A Moment's Hesitation
by FireflySummer
Summary: Loki has made some long bets in his time, but never before has he so desperately hoped to lose. Unfortunately, Thor never has been best at reading his brother. Or, a story in which Odin isn't a bad parent, Loki reacts to the truth of his ancestry constructively, and things still get screwed up. Rated T for Violence and Oodles of Angst.
1. The Monster

**AN: I've not abandoned my other fic. It's just been so busy, and any writing I do is spur of the moment while the plot bunny is biting. This is an angsty bit that I've had running around my head for some time. Planned to be multi-chapter.**

* * *

**Jotenheim**

**Present Day**

Snow lashed against Thor's face in an icy gale that blurred Jotenheim into phantoms and shadows. He fought to keep his footing as the screeching winds intensified, threatening to topple him despite his footing and bulk.

"Is that all you've got!?" he roared as the winds snatched the words away from him, "You hide behind illusions like a coward! Face and fight me!"

As if in response to his challenge, a shadowy figure emerged to his right, barely visible against the blizzard. Thor didn't hesitate, lunging with all the fury he possessed, but Mjolnir never made contact. The silhouette swerved away so fluidly that he would have thought it a figment of his imagination, if not for a pair of slender blue hands that suddenly wrapped around his forearm. With a vicious tug, Thor found himself off balance, and a blow later he finally toppled.

He lay winded for only a moment, but that was all it would take. The magical windstorm died as quickly as it came, a few flakes drifting peacefully to settle on his brow, and he found himself staring up at a face that would have been familiar but for the shades of snow and ice and eyes the color of blood.

But the icy dagger halted at his throat and the fatal blow never came. In its stead, Lady Luck offered her first act of providence since coming to this accursed land, as the sky split into light and color as the Bifrost opened. Thor gave no thought as to who may be coming through to their aid, only that it seemed to call off the onslaught, for fear or momentary surprise, and his adversary had halted in the heat of battle. Thor would not make the same mistake.

His strength returned in measures only multiplied by this dance to the death, Thor struck. And for the first time since the battle had begun, he made contact.

In a sizzle of electricity and the sound of shattering bone, the figure was launched through the air until he was met by the cliff face, some dozen feet away. Before he had so much as collapsed to the ground, Thor was upon him again, hand bunched in clothing and pinning him back against the rocks. The only sign of struggle came from one of those hands wrapped about his wrist, too weak to even burn.

"Where," breathed Thor with fury that burst at the seams. "Is he? What have you done with my brother, monster?"

The mouth twisted at the corner, despite the blood that had begun to trickle from it. "He's right here."

"_Liar!_" Thor roared, "Tell me where he is before I—"

"_Thor, stop!_"

There were few things in the Nine Realms that could halt the thunderer's temper at its height, but those two words, spoken with such power and authority, and more than a little magic, stopped Thor in his tracks. He turned his startled, furious gaze towards the man who had spoken.

"Father!" he growled, "The monsters of Jotenheim have taken Loki. They—"

"Thor, release him," Odin interrupted, calm tones belying an anger that at this moment more than matched his son's.

"Father, this is a trick! I saw him change before my own eyes!"

"_THOR ODINSON, RELEASE MY SON THIS INSTANT_."

There were others now, if Thor had card to notice. Sif and the Warrior Three had gathered about Odin's party, supporting each other through their various wounds. And surrounding them on every side, an army of frost giants watched with red eyes glinting viciously.

Whatever was to be said next was interrupted by the sound of chuckling. Thor's eyes were drawn back to the figure he still pinned against the cliff, but more specifically to the hand that still grasped his. He watched with a horror as pale color seeped into the blue, overrunning it until the familiar features were replaced and a familiar pair of green eyes watched with a fading light. By this point, the chuckles had evolved into a painful, mirthless laughter wet with its own blood. And then, as suddenly as they had come, they died away.

"I win the bet, Odin All-Father." The words were spoken loud enough to hear, but shaking with the effort. There was a smile on his face, equal parts sad and triumphant, and for a brief moment green eyes met blue. And then, as though the final string had snapped, he slumped forward.

Thor caught him, purely out of an instinct more natural than the feel of Mjolnir in his hand. For a moment, the entire world held still.

"You didn't hesitate_,_" came a soft whisper in his ear, "_Who is the monster now?_"

And then the moment passed, and the entire world collapsed into chaos.


	2. The Bet

**AN: Italicized sections are past events. The ones of this chapter happened when Loki was in the equivalent of his "early teen" years, whatever that may be for an Aesir.**

* * *

_Sif stood outside a pair of broad doors, watching them like they would bite her. Which wasn't an unfair assumption, given that they stood the silent sentries to Loki's chambers. Her mouth quirked up, just a little, recalling a number of incidents when the doors had been breached with ill intent. To date, she was one of the few that had never attempted to enter here, with intent ill or otherwise, but that was about to come to an end._

_There had always been negative feelings, between her and Loki, for no reason other than their personalities rubbed against each other like two rough stones. Sometimes they sparked, other times they burned, and every once in a while one helped round the other. Or at least that's how _he _had explained it once, when Thor had queried his younger brother why they could not get on. _

_At the time, she hadn't been over fond that that explanation, with the flowery words that had only served to confuse. But at the moment, she was wondering which of the three explanations this incident fell under._

_It had been almost a fortnight now, since their ill-fated venture. It had been Thor's idea, of course, and Loki had protested. At first she'd thought it had been for spite, but as he'd laid out in very simple terms why they were going to their doom, she'd had her doubts. But she had put aside all her doubts in favor of a quest with Thor without Loki's presence, telling herself that things would be fine. That Loki had been wrong._

_But he had _always_ been a know-it-all. _

_Their plans, whatever they had been, had been swept away by a sudden attack that had left them battered, injured, and Thor grievously poisoned. They had returned the palace, but all the skill of the healers had failed to revive him. In the long hours that had followed, they had seen Loki once only, during which time she had expressed her feelings more verbally than ever before, in addition to pinning the failure or their quest on his seemingly selfish absence._

_She had expected him to prickle and fight back, as he always did, but his brow had only twisted further as he brushed her aside, going on his way. She'd watched him go, burning anger trying desperately to extinguish a feeling like she'd kicked some child's puppy. _

_That was the last she'd seen Loki, but certainly not the last she'd heard of him. He had vanished from the castle for a period of days, during which Thor's health had continued to decline. But when there was seemingly no hope for their prince, Loki had returned, cure in hand. Since then, she and the Warriors Three had not left Thor's bedside, waiting for him to awake._

_But when at last his blue eyes had opened, the first question on his lips had been after his brother. There had been nothing to do but explain piece by piece the events that had followed his injury. _

_Thor had refused to rest again until his brother had been found, so he could thank him properly. To everybody's surprise, Sif had offered to fetch him. She did not explain her suspicions about how Loki's absence was linked to her harsh words, only stating that he had barred himself in his chambers and that she could sooner coax him out than some servant._

_She bit her lip and stared a moment longer, well aware that this was a bad idea. There was, however, no turning back now. At least not without facing the embarrassment of returning without at least trying._

_Sif raised a hand and rapped on the door in his usual brisk knock. To her surprise, the door gave way, creaking almost ominously._

_No lights burned within the chamber, and she was met with the smell of rot. Her senses pricked up immediately, sensing everything wrong with this situation._

_Cautiously she entered the chambers, swinging the door wide to cast light into the immediate area. Beyond were Loki's rooms, just as she had imagined them: full of parchment and odd vials of things she could not name, without a thing out of place._

_Except that wasn't entirely true. The work table was a mess, as though somebody had clumsily attempted to rifle through the objects there, with even a broken vial leaving an odd-colored puddle on the floor. But all seemed empty._

_And then, near the chamber's lone window, she heard movement. With quick strides, she approached and threw back the drapes, letting light spilling into the room. She was so surprised by the figure sitting upon the sill that she almost let the drapes fall back, but the initial shock was nothing compared to the horror that took hold only moments later._

_Loki sat, head leaned back on the stone of the sill, green eyes staring blankly out the window to the world beyond. He wore the same clothing she had last seen him, so many days before, except that now it was ragged and filthy. Blood smeared the window's glass, where an untreated injury had leftist mark, and Sif realized now that the smell was that of an infected wound._

_"Loki!" she said, grabbing his should and shaking him, fearing suddenly that he would not answer. Her fears were assuaged slightly when she saw him blink dazedly, and slowly turn his fever-bright eyes towards her._

_"Sif?" he mumbled, squinting as though he could not properly see her. He seemed to give up on this venture after a moment, head falling forward slightly in a mass of matted black hair._

_"Loki, stay with me," she urged, "I'll get the guards."_

_"No," he mumbled, right hand snaking up suddenly to catch hers. The grip wasn't strong, but it was desperate, and his fevered skin burned beneath it. "S'almost done."_

_Every one of Sif's instincts screamed for her to fetch help, but her friend's quiet desperation seemed to hold her fast. "I don't understand."_

_Loki looked at her now, eyes shining with tears now in addition to sickness. A single drop escaped, trickling down his cheek. "M'not his son. But this…this will make it right." _

_He paused here, eyes looking focus. "You're a lot nicer than the other Sifs."_

_"Loki, you're delirious," Sif countered, "I'm the real Sif, and I must get help."_

_"You're being too nice to me to be real," Loki replied in his fevered mumble, "The real Sif hates me. She wouldn't care if I…if I…" His voice drifted away for a moment before snapping back suddenly. "I loved you, you know. Back before. I'm glad you're the one here now, even if you aren't real." _

_Sif couldn't take it anymore. She pulled away from him and fled for help, trying to ignore the heartbroken hysterical sobs that followed her seeming abandonment._

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

_The injury was to Loki's left arm, a feral set of claw marks that had dug deep into muscles and tendons. Even for a god, it was more than serious enough to warrant medical care, but it should have been curable. However, left untended for so long and an infection had set in, and suddenly the healers found themselves battling desperately for the life of the second prince._

_Consciousness came in fits, but they were always accompanied by fits of delirium. The first time, Sif was present, alongside the King and Queen. _

_"Who am I?" Those were his first coherent words after he'd been brought screaming and struggling to the Sick Rooms, and then administered a sleeping drought to calm him. _

_Frigga had spared Odin a worried glance, and then come to her son's bedside, running a motherly hand over his face. _

_"You're Loki Odinson of course," she replied._

_"Liar," came the reply, barely a whisper but resounding beyond the room. Frigga almost recoiled, as though struck._

_"Sweetheart, I don't—"_

_"They're lies, all of it." And just like that, the coherency dissolved into mumblings. Loki curled in on himself, tears spilling from his eyes, repeatedly mumbling the question he first asked. _

_By the time the healers had been summoned, Loki had descended once more into fitful sleep. Frigga spared Odin one more worried look, her face now white with an unexplained fear, and Sif was sent out._

_There were four other delirious wakings, each more terrible than the first as the fever roared through Loki's body. Each time, he demanded to know his identity, calling both his parents liars before losing himself to the fever. _

_The only instance different was the fourth awakening. He hadn't spoken, and his silence had been more disconcerting than his words. He had only stared, long and hard at his parents, as through trying to make sense of their presence in the room._

_"Why didn't you let me go?" he asked at length. "It would have solved everything."_

_"I don't understand," Frigga said, her maternal side crying out for the pain of her child. Odin, too, looked at the end of his rope. "Let you go?"_

_"Why didn't you let me _die_?" There was a stunned silence that filled the room for a moment. Tears fell from Loki's eyes once more, as he turned a beseeching look to the All-Father. "I could have done it, father. For you."_

_It was too much. Suddenly Frigga was gathering her boy into her arms and holding him tightly while still mindful of his injury, so that he could not see the tears she too cried. Slowly, Loki calmed and drifted back to sleep. She did not understand what would ever prompt her dear little boy to ask such things, but knew deep down that the time had come. That when the fever broke a few hours later, and he regained himself entirely, there would be no more secrets among them._

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

_"Mother?" Loki was the first to wake by the light of the next dawn. Frigga had fallen asleep at his bedside, golden hair cascading over her as she laid her head on the cushioned. Tentatively, Loki lifted a weak, shaking hand the placed it on hers, hesitant to wake her._

_But she was awake in the instant, a look of terrifying hope in her eyes that Loki had never seen before, so fierce and bright that he almost wanted to recoil. For a moment, they both sat there in silence, Frigga examining his face and eyes for any trace of the fever that had tormented him for so many days. When she could see nothing more than the shadows it had left behind, she gathered him once more into her arms, a tear of joy slipping down her face. _

_"Oh, my sweet boy," she murmured in his ear, "Welcome back."_

_Loki said nothing, only laying a reassuring hand on her back. From the other side of the room, Loki stared in shock as Odin roused himself. It had come almost as a surprise that Frigga had come, but for Odin to put aside his duties to wait by his sick-bed. Well. It was not an occurrence that had happened in many a year._

_"Loki," he said, and there was something in his eyes that made Loki's heart twinge, "Are you well enough to speak?"_

_Loki snorted softly, allowing his mother to pull back. "That is like asking Thor if he is ready to brawl."_

_The answer was so quick and so _Loki_ that it brought a quick smile to Odin's face. _

_"Please, my son, tell us what befell you."_

_Loki averted his eyes, suddenly self-conscious under the intent gazes of his parents. He was shadow and cunning after all, and the spotlight did not suit him._

_"Thor was dying," he said quietly, "So I went in search of a cure. I found one, but at great cost." He looked down at the arm that lay bandaged at his side. So far, he had made no attempt to move it. _

_"You were very brave, my son," Frigga informed him gently, "But so very foolish. Why did you not tell us your plans? We could have assisted you somehow."_

_"But it was my fault Thor was injured," he replied, steady in at least this much, "I refused to take part in his quest, and was not there to protect him as I ought."_

_"Your brother is not your responsibility. If anything, you are his." There was a pause, and Loki averted his eyes. "Do you believe your life is worth any less than his?"_

_"Isn't it though?" asked Loki softly. "He is the prince…and I…I don't even know who I am." He caught the look his parents gave each other. "No more lies. I know the truth…that I am not an Odinson."_

_"Who told you these things?" asked Odin gruffly, immediately regretting his tone as he watched Loki draw further into himself._

_"I have suspected for some time, that I am not of your blood, All-Father," his son said, with a resigned air, "It just seems that I desperately chose to ignore all the signs right there in front of me. And while I journeyed for the cure, I merely met one who confirmed it." That was not all, Odin could see in his eyes, but whatever else there was, the boy did not wish to speak of it. _

_"In your fevered state, you wished to die," he said at length, "Said that you could have done it. For me." Loki's eyes met his for an instant, shattered at the thought of his innermost secret being brought to light. "Why would you ever believe that I would desire that from you, my son?"_

_"Because I am not your son," Loki answered simply, "I am a bastard child, a disgrace to Asgard. No matter what I do, I will always be different. Unworthy. So I thought…I thought that if I died then, saving the life of the true Prince of Asgard, it might be enough to make up for being born at all."_

_"That was your plan all along?" asked Frigga, the horror in her eyes plain to see, "Why you chose not to have your wounds treated?"_

_"Of course not," Loki replied quickly, suddenly trying to comfort his mother, "I was simply taking advantage of a bad situation. I thought that I could care for the wound myself, but when it got out of my control, it simply seemed logical to let it be. Better to die a hero than live a disgrace."_

_Here he paused and turned his eyes to his father, whose expression remained as closed as impassive as it always was. _

_"I could still do it, father," he said, "None know I yet live. It would be a simple matter to feign my death."_

_And suddenly Odin was pulling Loki into a bear hug, almost muscling Frigga out of the way so that he could hold his boy closer to him. Loki felt his breath clutch in his chest. _

_"Father?"_

_"I never want to hear you speak of yourself in that way again," Odin said, not relinquishing his group for a second. "Never. You are the child I _chose_, and if I have ever done anything to make you feel unworthy, that I loved you less, then I have failed you. And for that I am so very sorry."_

_And suddenly Loki's arms were snaking around his father, returning the embrace and burying his face in the king's shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time, as though afraid that the other would disappear as a dream. Then at last Odin sat back, the look on his face the most unregal that Loki had ever seen._

_"It is time, Loki," Frigga said, "For you to learn the truth."_

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

_The room was silent as the last words of the story hung in the air. Whatever Loki had been expecting from this truth, it had not been this. He stared absently at his hands, wondering if the jotun blue hid beneath the surface._

_"Loki?" his mother prompted, drawing him away from his thoughts of snow and monsters. _

_"So that's it then? The truth?" His smile was bitter, and he curled into himself a little tighter. Frigga placed a warm hand on his shoulders. "Why?"_

_"We never wished for you to feel different," she explained gently, "We wanted you to feel that you were loved. Do you doubt that?" The silence that followed the question was almost deafening, but at last, Loki shook his head, no._

_"But it doesn't change the fact that I'm a monster," he said, not looking up, "That I will _never_ belong here."_

_"You are not a monster," Odin countered, "You are my son and a Prince of Asgard."_

_"But the people will never see me as such. And what is a prince without his people?"_

_"It is true that the Aesir are stubborn almost beyond reckoning," his father admitted, "But I have seen you accomplish some nigh impossible things already in your short lifetime, my boy. If there is a change to be made, you will have to do it, but I know you can."_

_Loki's smile was still sad, but there was a glint returning to his eyes as he considered the challenge before him. _

_"Shall we make it a bet then?" he asked at length, "I will endeavor to change Asgard's opinions of the Frost Giants, until the day I reveal my true nature. If you win and they accept me, I will call this place my home until the end of time…but if I win, you will free me from this household, and I will take my fate elsewhere."_

_"A bet it is," Odin agreed with a half-chuckle, not catching how serious his son was, "You had made some long bets, but I have no doubt that I shall win. Do not underestimate yourself, my boy."_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Red. Red bleeding out against Jotenheim's blue-white snow.

Thor stood dumbly for a moment, holding the figure that had collapsed into his arms, bleeding out into the white around them. _Loki's_ blood.

His mind screamed protestations, that his brother could not be the monster he had fought so viciously against. That he had been spirited away and replaced by an imposter. That he could have a Frost Giant as a younger brother.

That it was very likely that he had slain him without a thought.

Laufey and the other Frost Giants had arrived. The King of Jotuns observed the events with a strange look stealing over his features. It took Thor far too long to identify it as…sadness? He had turned towards Odin, but before he could speak, one of the smaller giants had broken away from the others, running straight towards Thor without a second thought.

Sif and Volstagg were before him in an instant, defending their prince with the last strength that they had left. To his surprise, though, the Frost Giant didn't fight, only stood with a look of horror on his (young?) face, to the figure that lay limp in Thor's arms.

"Loki! " he grumbled, the voice high in the way of frost and stone, but anguished like the cry of a storm. "Loki! _Brother!_"

His red eyes flashed to Thor, who stood in shock at hearing those two words combined by any other than himself. "Why?"

"Helblindi, come," barked Laufey, but the young giant didn't move.

"You're his brother, aren't you?" he asked, eyes searching Thor's for an answer, "The one he chose over the bonds of blood? The golden one who haunted my nightmares as a child?" His voice stuttered for a moment. "He promised…that you weren't a monster. That you would not come to slaughter us all."

"Helblindi!" Laufey's voice brooked no argument, and Helblindi backed away, returning to Laufey's side.

"Your son brought this," Laufey said, addressing Odin directly.

"Yes," Odin agreed. Both seemed to strain to keep the emotions from their voices. "We will pay proper Weregild to your people."

"There is no need," Laufey growled in what could have been a dark chuckle, "You have robbed only yourselves this day."

To this, Odin did not deign to answer, turning his steed back towards the site of the Bifrost. Thor, still numbly carrying his burden, followed after with Sif and the Warriors Three.

"Odin," called Laufey as an afterthought, before the Bifrost caught them up, "This day your house has lost all claim to that child."

This did get a response, however. Two heartbroken words.

"I know."


	3. Jotunheim

**AN: In hind sight, this first section of flashback actually belongs somewhere in the last chapter. Oh well. The majority of the flashbacks happen when Loki is about 17 or 18, but Aesir standards. He's become more proficient in his magic and very good at talking himself in and out of situations, but like any other young man, thinks a bit more highly of himself than he's actually capable of. The older Loki would have had a fallback or two, at least.**

**Also, the speed of the updates comes from a tightly packed schedule and how leaving things unfinished rubs me the wrong way. (Don't worry, I'm getting around to updating Equivalent Exchange too.)**

* * *

_In the months that followed his recovery, Thor sensed a change in his life. It was almost imperceptible, and as he was not much one for the finer arts, it took him several months (and a few unexplained, disapproving looks from Sif) to finally _sort of_ understand what it was._

_Loki. The change was Loki._

_He had heard rumor that his brother had been injured in his quest to save his life, a fact that Loki had avoided talking about entirely since both their recoveries. But that was part of the change that had happened. Loki seemed to be doing a lot more avoiding altogether. He had stopped joining Thor and his friends on their quests, even after Thor had purposely toned them down. He had produced countless excuses to avoid their usual hunts. He had even vanished altogether from the sparring ring, going so far as to take lessons entirely separate from his brother._

_It was definitely strange. Stranger was that his parents didn't seem to dissuade him…they encouraged it even. Strangest of all was that even Sif seemed partial to letting Loki's strange behavior slide. _

_Strange, and there was none more opposed to them as Thor. As the months had passed and Loki withdrew his presence, Thor began to feel his absence keenly. It made no _sense_ that Loki should despise him, after he had gone to such great lengths to save his life. _

_It was not until almost half a year had passed that Loki appeared again, standing just beyond the sparring ring as Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three practiced their maneuvers. _

_Loki's appearance almost went unnoticed, as he sat as one in the shadows, and it was only because of the bright color of the book he carried with him that Thor saw him. His moment of distraction almost left him with a blow from Fandral, who stopped his assault when he caught Thor's look._

_"Will you finally ask Loki to join us?" he asked, catching where his prince's eyes had settled._

_"Finally?" questioned Thor in return, thoroughly perplexed._

_"Of course," Fandral continued, suddenly uncertain, "He has sat under that tree for several months now, without ever approaching. You two have not truly spoken with each other in nearly that time, so I was merely wondering if you'd finally returned to being brothers after whatever bad blood came between you."_

_"You misunderstand," Thor replied, "My brother had been avoiding _me_, not I him." Fandral shrugged, not wanting to test Thor's temper. _

_In response, Thor made a beeline to his brother, where he loomed over him for some time, unnoticed. When he could no longer stand being ignored, Thor snatched the bright red book from his brother's hands, and held it aloft._

_Loki reacted, almost fast enough to snatch it back, but missed by only a hair's breadth. For a moment, he sat there glaring at Thor, as though daring him to keep up the act._

_"Come how, brother. Fandral says that you have escaped my notice for some time," Thor told him, tones cheerful as he entered familiar waters of banter, "Have you become so popular in court of late that you need a personal invitation to join us?"_

_"Of course not," Loki replied reproachfully._

_"Well you have it, regardless," Thor informed him, shutting the book with a snap. "Come, we have missed your cunning and found our skills for the worse without it." _

_"You will simply have to make do without, or find some other oaf to play your war games, for I am too busy for such play right now." Loki's eyes were burning, with annoyance definitely, but there was something else there now that Thor did not recognize…fear? That didn't seem right. _

_To get his mind off that thought, he glanced at the title of the book, and to his surprise found it a book on the lands of Jotenheim. He raised an eyebrow and glanced at Loki._

_"Interested in the Frost Giants, are we?" he asked playfully, "I seem to remember you feared them more than anything, in days past. Come, and we shall slay them together, if only for this one more time." Loki didn't reply, merely holding out his hand to receive back his appropriated book. Thor had no intention of making it that easy._

_With a deft movement, the book was flying through the air into Fandral's waiting hands. From there it was passed to Volstagg, and then to Hogun. Only Sif made no move to take part._

_Loki, however, did not rise to the challenge. Instead he got to his feet, gracefully dusting his hands on his trousers, and looking at his brother and his friends with a look of long-suffering._

_"If I play along, just this once, will you promise to leave me be?"_

_"Only for today," Thor replied, suddenly happier than he could remember, if only for the feeling that his brother would again be joining them. He hadn't realized how acute the pain of his absence had been until Loki entered the ring beside him. He proceeded to the center of the ring, where the Warriors Three and Sif made way for both the princes, then entered his stance. _

_"So tell me brother," Thor said, as the two began sparring, dodging and exchanging blows. There was something odd about the way that Loki was moving, but he simply chalked it up to so many months with a private trainer. He certainly didn't seem a rookie at the style, though, moving with perfect grace to match Thor's heavy blows. "Why the Jotuns?"_

_"Oh, I don't know Thor," replied Loki, a thin smile attempting to disguise an unreadable look that had stolen over his face. "Curiosity, maybe."_

_"What is there to find? They are a simple and brutish race, who care for nothing but battle."_

_"Are you sure you are not one of them, then?" Loki blurted out, and looked immediately like he regretted saying it. There was a pause as Thor tried to digest this comment, but Loki was already speaking again. "I simply mean that they do not _sound_ all that different from us. Perhaps they weren't."_

_"You have been locking yourself away with books and spells and politics far too long, brother," Thor replied, deciding it was easier to dust off Loki's comments entirely, "You are looking too deeply into matters that are not deep. Frost Giants are monsters. If you were ever to meet one, you would know."_

_"And have you met one?" asked Loki, quietly and almost to himself, but loud enough to be heard over their continued sparring._

_"No, not yet, but when I do, I will slay him," Thor promised, "There is no choice. They are monsters, and will not hesitate."_

_Thor's words seemed to give Loki pause for thought, for he wavered a moment in his assault, just long enough to give Thor the opening he was looking for. He landed a blow to Loki's left arm, which sent his younger brother reeling, crying out in pain. He did not expect Loki to crumple under the weight of the blow, grasping desperately at his left arm, face pale and teeth clenched with the effort not to cry out again._

_"Loki?" Thor was immediately by his brother's side, righting him, although none too gently, and trying to diagnose the damage. The blow hadn't been aimed to break, merely to disarm and to stun, but his brother was clearly in intense pain._

_"Stay away, stay away!" Loki hissed fiercely, recoiling from his brother's touch. "I…I'm fine."_

_"No you are not, Loki." Sif spoke for the first time since Loki had entered the sparring ring. "You idiot."_

_"Always the flatterer, my lady," he gritted out, but didn't seem to get any further._

_"Can it, silvertongue If you do not let us look at it, you will be confined to the healing rooms again." It was a threat that Thor did not know she held over him. Loki's eyes passed from Sif to Thor, that strange look in them once more_

_"He was going to find out eventually," Sif scolded without sounding the least bit maternal. There was guilt there, though, but for what Thor did not understand. All he knew was that he was growing more and more agitated with every passing word. "If you don't tell him, I will."_

_"What don't I understand?" he demanded, almost yelling despite silence from all other members of the ring._

_Sif turned, eyes flashing, "Thor, the reason why Loki hasn't—"_

_"The reason I have not joined you in the sparring ring is that I _cannot_." Loki's voice cut her off, smooth and clear, but filled with shame so sharp that Thor felt it cut. Slowly, Loki got to his feet , and with his right hand only began unbuttoning the green vest and tunic he wore. _

_Thor felt his heart clench. Hidden beneath the left sleeve, a vicious scar burned into his skin._

_"What is the meaning of this?" Thor asked, reaching out as though to touch it, but stopping as his brother withdrew. "You've been hiding this from me? Why?"_

_"It was the price I paid to save your life," Loki replied simply, ignoring the looks he was receiving from the Warrior Three. He did not want their pity, to be treated like a swooning maiden when already he was proving that he could be so much _more_. "I have little motion left to it, although working with the healers and trainers has restored it a bit. I can still fight, but I must compensate for it now, and any severe blow is…painful." Here he seemed to run out of words, as he looked away, not wanting to see the look he knew Thor was giving him._

_"I would appreciate my book back," he said, addressing Hogun, who still clutched the red tome, "And if it does not bother you, I will pay a visit to the healers and retire to my room for the rest of the evening." He began to walk away._

_He didn't get more than a step before he was suddenly buried in Thor's arms, his older brother holding him as close as he could, hot tears running down his brother's face._

_"Why?" Thor asked miserably, "All these months…why didn't you tell me? If I'd know, I wouldn't have…" Wouldn't have humiliated him like this, in front of their peers. Wouldn't have complained at his long absences or withdrawals, when it had been his fault all along._

_"It is nothing to fret about," Loki told him pragmatically, "The alternative was worse. Unbearable."_

_A brother for an arm. Even if it would spare him the pain and humiliation as he fought to present himself with the strength of Asgard, as he did his best to hide his infirmity among the members of the court and his own peers, he could not regret it for an instant. _

_Thor was holding him tightly, as though he had just been given the most precious gift in the word. Loki allowed himself to return to the embrace, wondering if how Thor would react if he knew the deeper price that he had paid in the endeavor._

No, not yet, but when I do, I will slay him.

They are monsters, and will not hesitate.

_It was going to be a long road._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Loki landed hard, with only the snows to cushion his landing. It was a strange matter, teleporting between worlds, and he had not quite gotten the hang of it. Almost, he had gotten lost in the void as he traversed the unknown paths, but somehow he had managed to arrive in Jotenheim in one piece. Now, he just had to stay that way until he had enough strength to teleport himself back._

_It had probably been a stupid decision, coming here like this, alone and without the knowledge of father or Heimdall, but he couldn't help himself. He had spent many years now, studying the landscapes and histories of Jotenheim, his homeland. So far, his studies had born to light explanations for some of his…odder behaviors, but as a whole, Asgard's libraries were horribly lacking in knowledge. _

_And his curiosity had always been one of his greatest vices._

_As he stood there in the snow, looking about, he felt a shiver run through his limbs. Frost Giant he may be, but his Aesir form was ill adapted to the temperature drop. There was only one good solution for that._

_He had practiced this at home, behind locked doors where nobody could possibly intrude: shifting out of his familiar Aesir form into his birthright. At first the blue skin had repulsed him almost to the point of vomiting, memories of his childhood fears rising up against him. _

_The only thing that had stopped him from shattering his bedroom's large mirror was the echoes of his father's words. The promise that he had been loved from the moment Odin had first held him, despite the color of his skin. It hadn't been much to go on, but it was just enough to push away the loathing as he had looked down at the raised markings on his deep blue hands. _

_He hadn't been able to hold that form for more than a few minutes the first time. The second time it got easier, and by the third he could transition between the two without much trouble, even if looking in the mirror never became any easier._

_Now was the time to put his abilities to the test, if only in a small measure. He hesitated for a moment, then swallowed down the natural revulsion that seemed to come with the thought of his 'true' form. Then, slowly, he allowed the transformation to take place, the blue creeping from his fingertips slowly through the rest of his frame, shifting organs until he was another creature entirely. Almost immediately, the numbing cold that had offended him moments before vanished, leaving him with only a perception of the wind against his skin._

_With a bit of a thrill that he couldn't quite explain, he set off to explore the new territory before him, taking care not to be seen by wary eyes._

_When he had first arrived, he had thought himself in an area filled with chasms and sheer, rocky cliffs. However, his eyes now adjusted to the dim lighting revealed something else entirely: a city fallen to decay. As he wandered through the ruins and inspected the architecture, he found himself imagining what it must have been like for beings well taller than himself, as majestic and beautiful as Asgard. But while a millennia was a long time to fall to decay, the structures of ice an stone had held up remarkably against the cruel seasons of Jotenheim._

_It was while he explored that he first heard the voices—rough and jagged, cut from the mountains themselves. The sound of it sent Loki running for cover, drawing a cloak of shadows over himself to disappear further, as he watched two Frost Giants come into his vision._

_They were exactly how he had imagined them: tall and fierce, with features as rough as their surroundings carved them. There was no beauty in them, but at the same time, they did not seem so…vile as he had imagined them so many times. _

_Then again, he had been left to die by these creatures, if Odin's story was accurate. But one act did not constitute a race, did it? Just as Thor did not represent every one of the Aesir. _

_"Who've we got here?" He was interrupted form his musings by a voice that came from behind. He recoiled, dropping his shield and stumbling into a defensive stance. However, the Frost Giant that had crept up on him only blinked in surprise._

_"Hail, mage," he said, as though offering his proper respects before an elder, "I meant no ill."_

_The face was young, as far as Loki could tell, with fewer scars to mar the already fearsome features. The eyes, although the color of blood, seemed to reflect something familiar though, a spark of curiosity and mischief that Loki knew well. Clearly, this young giant did not wish to do battle, so he would play along._

_"Helblindi, what have you found now? If it is another abandoned wolf pup, your father will have you skinned." The other Jotuns were approaching now, three of them, all taller than Loki. They eyed him with curiosity, but were clearly watching 'Helblindi' for directions._

_"You are very clever to spot me despite my spell," Loki commented, knowing well that a compliment would be far better received than a slight. He still was not strong enough to vanish away just yet._

_A grin grew on the Frost Giant's features at the praise, any wariness he'd possessed almost dying away. The other two were not so quick to drop their guards, however, and continued to watch Loki warily._

_"I have never seen you among the mages," one commented idly._

_"That is because I am no mage," Loki countered, "I am a sorcerer."_

_There was a stunned silence as they looked one to another, suspicion creeping back in. Loki wondered if he had misjudged. The giants, strangely enough, had seemed to consider magic-users with more respect than in Asgard; but perhaps he had judged wrong. _

_"There have been no sorcerers since before the war, correct?" asked Helblindi._

_There was a nod from one of them. "The last was Farbauti. Even Laufey is considered a mage in comparison."_

_"I have merely been in hiding," Loki explained quickly, "Honing my skills and awaiting a time when Asgard's eyes were far from us to return. For the…" He glanced quickly at the ruins. "Glory of Jotenheim." That seemed to win over Helblindi once more, and the grin returned._

_"You must show me what you can do, Sorcerer," he said with an enthusiasm that Loki had never before encountered, "I am only a mage, but my tutors say I have talent. If there was a true sorcerer to teach me, then perhaps…"_

_"It would be more a matter of you showing me what you could do first," Loki commented, well aware that the approval of this young giant was likely the only thing standing between him and capture and interrogation. He intended to play that advantage as long as he must. _

_"Oh…well," Helblindi stalled, "I haven't…quite gotten there yet. It has mostly been theory until this point."_

_"I cannot usurp your teachers," Loki told him sternly, although his inner voice admonished him for the hypocrisy. "But I suppose I could show you a trick or two." _

_Helblindi's eyes lit up as he said that, and Loki put forth his right hand. A small flame leapt to life above, dancing there without wick or source. Helblindi didn't seem terribly impressed._

_"That's an elementary trick," he complained, "And of no use here in Jotenheim."_

_"Not so," Loki countered, "You are ice, and this is your opposite. You must know your opposite thoroughly before becoming stronger yourself." He thought, suddenly, of Thor, his blazing opposite, and yearned again for the golden halls of Asgard._

_To take his mind from it, he set his mind to the magic in his hand, the little flame jumping to life, sprouting arms and legs and wandering from one side of his hand to the other. This seemed to amuse Helblindi more, and even the other two Jotuns, as they leaned in closer for a look._

_With a sudden panic, Loki realized that his palm was beginning to shift colors in the presence of the heat. Acting on impulse, he caught the flame in his hand, squelching it before the giants noticed the shift. Helblindi blinked in surprise as the light vanished suddenly, eyes adapting to returned dark._

_"What happened?"_

_Loki chuckled. "Just as you must know your opposite, you must take care, young mage, or you will be burned in the meanwhile. But never fear, all is healed now." He opened his palm to emphasize a smooth, blue palm. Helblindi seemed to be absorbing his words carefully, unusually thoughtful for his age._

_"Will you show me another?" he asked hopefully._

_Loki shook his head. "I have tarried here longer than I should. I must return to my hideaway, but perhaps I shall return another day." _

_And then, as though to send the young mage off with one final trick, he teleported himself in a flash of green flame, leaving the stupefied trio of giants alone. He materialized close to the site he had arrived at, shifting out of his Jotun form before his return trip to Asgard._

_All the while he grinned from ear to ear until he remembered that Helblindi was a Frost Giant, and that he was not _supposed _to _like_ him. Except he was a Jotun too now, wasn't he? The grin returned as Loki wished himself home._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Loki returned to Jotenheim at odd intervals, usually when Thor was out questing and would not be around to question his long absences. He suspected that father knew what he was doing, but thus far hadn't brought it up, so Loki decided to keep up the pretense a little longer. Every time, he half expected to find Helblindi waiting for him, almost expecting it. But the young Jotnar's absence had allowed him time to explore the ruined city, to analyze the damage war had wreaked upon it so many centuries before._

_There was a certain majesty to the snow and ice, an aesthetic he was certain that no Aesir would be able to see, let alone understand. The sight of the dilapidated towers filled his chest with a sadness he couldn't quite explain. Sometimes, he tried to imagine what would have happened had he been raised here._

_But no, he would remind himself. He had been left to die. There had never been a future in Jotenheim for him._

_Assuming that he'd ever want one. As beautiful as Jotenheim was, it still was not _home. _Home was Asgard, gilded in gold and filled with Odin and Frigga, who had _chosen_ him. And Thor of course. Or at least it would be home until the fulfillment of his bet with Odin. _

_The fifth time he returned to Jotenheim, he met Helblindi yet again. But the young giant didn't seem as excited as Loki had expected (hoped), instead seeming awkward and nervous._

_"You came back!" he said, when Loki had first let down his guard, "I…well, I told my father that I had met a sorcerer out in the ruins, and he told me that you were a spy. But a spy wouldn't come back again, would he?"_

_"Not unless there was something more to gain," Loki replied with utter frankness._

_"That is what he said too," Helblindi admitted, "He fears that you wish us ill. I insisted that you would not, but…" He trailed off._

_"You are quite the young fool," Loki admitted, "For I fear that if I were truly were here to do harm, I would have you spilling every secret of Jotenheim by now. You give your trust far too easily, and wear your heart on your…" he glanced at Helblindi's upper body, bare of all clothing, "shoulder."_

_"Not oft," Helblindi argued defensively, "While it's true that haven't father's cleverness, I know a good heart when I see one. I have yet to take one into my confidence who has done me ill."_

_"You would be a great asset to your father then, if that is true," Loki admitted, "While he seems very wise indeed. I would like to meet him some time, perhaps." _

_The comment was supposed to be made in passing, but Helblindi's red eyes lit up in a way that made Loki's heart sink._

_"Truly?" he asked, "I should think that would put his heart at ease, once he met you. Can you come now?" Loki opened his mouth and closed it again, a thousand thoughts running through his mind. Exploratory ventures into the ruined edges of Jotenheim were one thing. Entering their main city was another altogether, especially when he could not possibly defend himself against more than one or two of the giants at once. But he feared that pulling out now would only serve to brand him as an enemy, and put an end to any further explorations. _

_That aside, he really had nothing to hide. His ventures here were innocent, and in no way infringing upon the treaty that bound Asgard and Jotenheim. _

_"Very well," he agreed, "But I haven't more than a few hours to spare. There are some delicate spells I must attend to elsewhere."_

_Helblindi seemed to sense this as the lie it was, but let it go, quickly leading the way through the thick snows. In the past couple of visits, Loki had become fairly adept at navigating the icy terrain, and fell into step beside the Frost Giant without much a problem._

_"May I enquire your father's name?"_

_"He is Laufey of course," Helblindi told him, as though Loki should have known this. Something icy ran through Loki's soul._

_"King Laufey?" he clarified._

_"Of course," Helblindi didn't catch the tone, "He is the only king of the true blood left to Jotenheim. And my brothers and I, of course."_

_"You have many brothers then?" Loki thought a moment, trying to decide how to phrase the next words. "Are there any other mages? Like yourself?"_

_"All of Laufey's brood are Ice Mages," laughed Helblindi, "But enough of that. Tell me more about your sorcery."_

_The rest of the journey (which was much shorter on Helblindi's legs than his own), Loki spoke of sorcery, trying to keep the frost giant engaged. It would be a simple matter to teleport away, he realized. Even within the city, he knew the landscapes well enough at this point to vanish himself and make a quick escape. Unless, of course, the majority of Frost Giants were as terrible as he feared, and not like Helblindi at all, killing first and questioning later._

_The time went too fast before they were within the confines of the city, and then at the throne of Laufey himself. Laufey, his blood father, was truly a sight to see, much like Helblindi in terms of shape and form, but hardened over the many long winters of his life. He watched the appearance of his son and the stranger with a strange light in his eyes that made Loki want to teleport away immediately._

_"Father!" Helblindi greeted, "The sorcerer I met has agreed to greet you formally, to assuage your doubts."_

_"So I see," Laufey agreed, eyes not leaving Helblindi. "Tell me, sorcerer, what is your tale? And how have you gone without notice for so long?"_

_"I live in the mountains to the west of here," Loki explained, reciting the story he had settled on long before, "Biding my time and my powers before making myself known."_

_"A treacherous terrain, even for the bravest," Laufey conceded, "Do tell me how you survived it."_

_"As the young prince stated, I am a sorcerer." Instantly, Loki called upon his stores of magic, creating a series of illusions that filled the floor before the throne, all identical images of himself. It was not until he heard the angry murmurs that followed that he realized his mistake. He had forgotten to adjust his illusions for his Jotun form, instead revealing his Aesir skin. Instantly, he vanished the illusions, but the damage had already been done._

_Hundreds of murderous red eyes were upon him, waiting for a word from Laufey to descend. He groped for his magic, knowing that he must time this right if escape were to happen, pushing away the fear that prickled in his stomach._

_"You have come a long way to die, Asgardian," Laufey murmured, leaning his face into his large hand. "You have moments between you and death, and those are already a boon, since my son has taken a liking to you."_

_Loki squared his shoulders, but did not shift out of his Jotun form, meeting Laufey's eyes squarely. With a salute and a bow, he announced himself in a loud voice. "King Laufey. I am Prince Loki, of Asgard."_

_"The Trickster Prince," Laufey said, "We have heard tales of you. Why has Odin sent you? Was our ruin and the theft of the Casket not enough?"_

_"My father did not send me," Loki admitted, "I do not know if he is aware of my ventures here. I came here of my own volition. And even that, with no intent but to…understand." There was a silence as Loki wrestled his thoughts into coherent sentences. "In Asgard, Frost Giants are seen as monsters. But I did not believe that true, and wished to prove it so, if only to myself."_

_"An odd desire," Laufey conceded, something else entering his eyes now, "But for what reason?"_

_"Because although I am of Asgard," Loki said simply, "I am of Jotenheim's blood. This form you see is not an illusion, but my birthright."_

_And suddenly Laufey was getting to his feet, descending the steps of to his throne. If there was a chance to run, it was this moment, but Loki found himself suddenly frozen with a terror he could not describe. Laufey towered over him, and…_

_Knelt down, so that he could look Loki in the eye, craggy face closer to Loki's than he was comfortable with. But Loki refused to flinch, even when a large hand reached forward and laid itself on his shoulder._

_"It's you, isn't it?" he asked at length, the red eyes filled with more pain and sadness than Loki had ever imagined capable. "After all these years, you've returned." _

_And then, to his absolute surprise, Loki was swept into an icy embrace._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Loki rematerialized in his bedroom, still too stunned to think. The words that he had heard ran through his mind in a stream that he could not still. _

_It was a story he'd heard before, but from the view of ice and snow. The story of a society that did not view magic as weak or womanly, and true sorcerers a treasure. But how, despite all this, the harsh landscape had call for harsh traditions._

_How a child believed to be endowed with magic, born smaller than a giant ought to be, was left for a week in a Jotnar temple. Their inborn magic, otherwise latent, would be brought to the surface in the struggle for life, and at their survival then would be received into Jotun society. Not as a warrior, but a sorcerer. And an early death to the children was seen as a mercy rather than a cruelty. Deformed children did not live long in Jotenheim, despite the best effort of family, and their deaths would always be far more painful if they were allowed to struggle slowly through their first years of life._

_How the last great sorcerer had perished in the war, leaving behind only a child that shared the blood of sorcerer and mage-king, the last hope of Jotenheim. _

_How that hope had been destroyed when the temple was destroyed before the week was up, and the infant was presumed to be murdered by the cruel Aesir._

_How Laufey recovered from his losses, but never forgot, and how the children of Jotenheim were told stories of the monstrous Asgardians who would murder children as they slept._

_In the end, Loki had been allowed to leave, but only on the promise that he would explain the matter to Odin and return again._

_After Loki had recovered sufficiently, and changed into clothes more suited for the palace, he made his way out of his chambers in search of his father. He had found him in the gardens, spending one of his spare moments with Frigga. He felt a rush of warmth as he saw them, stopping himself from racing forward to meet them._

_"I see you have returned from your venture to Jotenheim," Odin said, when he had arrived. Loki quirked an eyebrow at him, not thoroughly surprised at the comment. "And now you have something to ask of me?"_

_"Yes, father," Loki said respectfully. He paused a moment, partially to gather his thoughts and partially for dramatic effect. "I think the Jotnar are ready to receive an Aesir ambassador. And I have thoughts on exactly who would be best for the job."_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The light of the Bifrost swept the small Asgardian company up and away, rematerializing them in the bronze room that they had left. Heimdall awaited for them, as well as servants to take the horses and a host of healers.

The healers set upon Fandral first, who was still barely conscious from his injuries, before noticing the blood smeared over Thor's armor. Suddenly, Thor felt his burden being eased from his arms, and on instinct he pulled back, trying to hold Loki tighter to him. His brother did not respond, although the movement caused something already broken to shift dangerously.

"Thor Odinson, release him." His father's tone brooked no arguments, and for once, Thor did as he was told. The healers took Loki's still body into their care, spiriting him away to their wards where they could more properly care for him. And suddenly, Thor found the chamber empty of all but his father and Heimdall. The blood was still wet on his silver armor.

"Father," he said, trying to find the words. But words had never come easy to him. That was Loki's arena. Loki who was currently being taken, broken, to the healer's wings. "I don't…I don't understand."

"Of course, you do not understand," Odin said harshly, barely containing the same anger that plagued his birth son. He took a seat at the edge of the steps, suddenly looking like he had had the weight of the world dumped on his shoulders. "You are a war-hungry, selfish child. Your brother tried to tell me, and as always he has suffered the consequences of our stubbornness."

"My stubbornness," Thor repeated, something inside snapping, "It is your stubbornness that caused this in the first place. The Frost Giants invaded our home, and you did _nothing_ to stop it!"

"And your course of action was better?" demanded Odin, his voice matching the volume of Thor's, the words reverberating off the domed walls. "You, who breached the treaty in pursuit of your own vigilante justice!? You, who took no thought in inciting the Frost Giants!? You, who _did not hesitate_ to strike down his own brother, because he did not _stop_ to _think!?_"

Thor opened his mouth to speak again, but Odin did not let him.

"You will _learn your place! _You have betrayed your loved ones and your people this day. I would banish you for your actions, if I did not already risk losing one of my sons this day."

Any who knew Thor Odinson knew that there were very few things that could still the Thunderer's temper, but the reminder of Loki, broken and bleeding from his hammerfall was enough. Thor stilled, unnaturally silent, the numbness that had protected him before slipping away and leaving him bare to the horror and pain that his actions of the last few hours deserved.

"I must see Loki," he said, thinking out loud more than anything.

"Have you not already done enough damage? Do you really think he would want to see _you_? Or _me_ for that matter, for all the harm we have caused him?" asked Odin, weariness taking his words now that the anger had drained away. "Your mother will tend to him, and the Ravens will summon us, should we need to say our farewells. For now, you will stay and bridle your tongue. There is a tale you need to hear."


	4. The Gift

**AN: Welcome back readers! We're rounding towards the finale here. Many thanks to anybody whose stuck with it so far.**

**The flashbacks in this part are spread out over a longer period of time, starting from a few decades after the last set of flashbacks, on to two or three years before the happenings of the Thor movie.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Whatever successes Loki had in Jotunheim were not easily mirrored in Asgard. As the years had marched on he had visited healers in both Realms, and he had so far regained much of his original movement strength in his left arm, supplementing what he lacked with magic and wit. However, by the time he could join Thor and his entourage again in the training ring without risking his health or reputation, their styles had already diverged irreparably. _

_On one hand, the classic fighting styles of Asgard had never suited him. On the other, it also made the difference between him and his golden, older brother all the wider. And in the eyes of Asgard, he would always be different. _

_The fact that he knew _why_ now did not really help the matter. _

_No, the only thing that helped was the fact that his being different didn't matter to the few people who mattered to him. _

_The distance between him and his father had finally closed as he'd shouldered the burden as Jotunheim's Ambassador, because although the role gained him shrewd looks from the court, it finally gave the father and son something to talk about. It was often hard, and more than one occasion had Odin hollering at the top of his lungs while Loki offered quiet words sharper than the blade. _

_But things never stayed that way for long. To the surprise of all in the family, it was usually Odin who apologized first, usually not more than a day after the offense had been made, and sometimes even when he had been in the right._

_The All-Father never told a soul his true reason for doing this, not even his queen. Ever since the day that he had called to what had nearly been his son's deathbed, so many years before, a dream had haunted him, recurring every time he and his son fought or he had failed to acknowledge him properly. In this dream, he would always be standing on the edge of the broken Bifrost, holding fast to Thor and Loki as they dangled precariously over the voice. _

_And then, those words that had haunted him ever since he had first heard them._

_"I could have done it father. For you."_

_Whatever else was said or done, Odin could never recall. Only the look in his son's eyes as he loosened his grip and let himself fall into the darkness._

_They had come close to dangling on that shattered bridge, once. And he feared, almost above all else, that if he did not continue to act, they would stand there again one day. This time, however, he would be unable to save his son._

_Years of time and effort and pain were finally showing results, though, the rift slowly healing. _

_With Frigga, there had never been a tear to mend. Thor, on the other hand…_

_There was not a person in the world that Thor loved more than Loki. Odin knew this. Frigga knew this. _Loki _knew this. _

_But sometimes, it is loved ones who hurt us the most. And more often than not, they do it without even realizing. _

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Thor burst into Loki's chambers with more than his usual gusto, startling his younger brother out of the book he'd buried himself nose-deep in. His room hadn't much changed since his early days, simply collecting more memorabilia as time went on, and in Thor's opinion Loki reflected much the same. The way that he glared green daggers at him over the top of the heavy binding, for instance, had not changed over the centuries._

_"I hope you have a good reason—" Loki's tart words were cut off by Thor, who simply could not find the patience._

_"You're the Ambassador to Jotunheim!" The look on Thor's face held so much pity and horror that Loki something sharp twist inside of him._

_"Indeed," Loki replied, putting on a bored mask, "You come some decades too late for that bit of news."_

_"Decades?" Thor demanded, "How have I only found out today? And then, only by chance? What is the meaning of this Loki? Have you upset father?"_

_"You make it sound like a punishment." Loki rolled his eyes. "I requested that assignment, I'll have you know. As to why it took you this long to figure it out, I'll never know. I swear I even mentioned it to you by name a couple of times."_

_"You have indeed mentioned that forsaken realm," Thor admitted, "But I always thought you were attempting some…quest, or otherwise."_

_"Perhaps I am," Loki said quietly, "A crusade, more like, against a blind hatred that's lasted too many centuries."_

_"Blind hatred…" Thor looked dumbstruck, having never heard his brother speak this way before. "Loki, the jotuns are _monsters_. There is nothing blind when you see all the evidence is right in front of you."_

_"No, that is the definition of blind," countered Loki, "When your vision is so blocked by what is immediately before you that you cannot see past that. That you cannot see deeper." Thor's face scrunched up. He was by no means stupid, as Loki frequently teased him, but figurative speech was still a bit beyond him._

_Loki sighed. "Thor, what if on Jotunheim, the giants were just like here. They had friends and family and pasts just like our own. The only difference would be that they were taller, and bluer, fancied winter over summer. And what if, to frighten their children, they told tales of the golden monsters of Asgard, who would slay children without a thought?"_

_There was silence from Thor, but not of the type that Loki had wanted. From the blank look he was giving, Loki was fairly certain his brother had tuned him out only a few words in. He let out an exasperated sigh._

_"I was just asking if you thought it possible that the Frost Giants could be like…us." _

_"Of course not," Thor replied, with an absoluteness that made Loki's heart drop. _

_"Why not?"_

_"Because they are monsters, Loki," Thor shook his head, "Whatever you have set out to prove, I fear it is a waste of your time. I doubt you could find a good head on all of Jotunheim. Except, perhaps, to use as a wall mount." There were no malice behind his words, but Loki's smile thinned almost to the point of snapping. "Come now, tell me why you made such a request of father, if it truly was not a punishment."_

_"It is as you say, Thor, it was a whim," Loki replied. A whim that would never be explained, perhaps never even heard, should he try. And Thor…oblivious, good-hearted Thor was satisfied for just that. _

_"If it is as you say, brother, then you have my full support," Thor gave him a beaming smile. Loki smiled back, trying with all his heart to forgive an offense that was unknowingly given. And knowing, that even if he managed forgiveness, the scar would remain indefinitely._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_The work with Jotunheim progressed quickly. Laufey, as Loki later finds, is not nearly as old as Odin. The war had been a misguided attempt, a youthful folly come at a time when all the Nine Realms seemed open before him. In the end, Laufey had paid with the life of Farbauti and their only son, while Jotunheim had lost her heart. _

_But it wasn't the story that haunted Loki. It was the way he had described himself, so valiant and rash, and how the words had conjured up a perfect image…of Thor. And, looking at the ruins of Jotunheim, Loki tried to tell himself again and again that this would not be Asgard's fate. That Thor would learn. Loki would make sure of it._

_For centuries, Jotunheim had wallowed in its defeat, the more delicate side of ice and snow vanishing into the storm until the Frost Giants very nearly became that monsters that Asgard claimed them to be. But with Loki's reappearance, Laufey had taken heart once again, and launched full into Jotunheim's revitalization. _

_There were challenges here, of a completely different variety than those Loki encountered on Asgard. Cultural gaps and differences in magic to name a few, but (although Loki would never admit it), working with Laufey was often easier than working with Odin. He took after his father in far more respects than he liked, but at the very least they understood each other's though processes._

_The passing years were beginning to yield results, though, even without the raw power of the Casket of Ancient Winters. Construction was seen frequently within the main city, modeled strongly after Asgard's infrastructure, and without the walls new militias were formed to protect against the ruthless bands of thieves that had ransacked the Giant's lower castes. There was still no commerce with other Realms, as they still viewed them as inferior and with little to offer, but Loki already had plans to change that._

_Loki became a common sight in Jotunheim, and had taken to wearing his Asgardian armor with his Jotun skin. The combination was awe-inspiring, almost beautiful, or so he'd been told by Helblindi the first time he'd touted the gold and green. For this coloration, and Laufey's open declaration of his ancestry, he became known as 'The Lost Jewel of Jotunheim'. _

_However, while his reception was far better than he could ever have hoped, it was impossible to institute change without making a few enemies. There were outlaws and cutthroats who despised him for directing the creation of a stronger governing body that put an end to their violent and illegal ventures. There were also fanatics, who believed that the changes would call down Ragnorak upon their heads, and circulated rumors that he was a spy, or a demon, or both. But unlike Asgard, where such rumors had stuck with poisonous barbs, the rumors were instead killed by his new friends and allies._

_Which, admittedly, had made him less cautious than was right._

_He'd have to amend that. Assuming he got out of this alive, as he was currently surrounded by a group of very menacing-looking Frost Giants. _

_He was out near his usual site for his return to Asgard and had even turned down Helblindi's accompaniment on the precept that he would had made the trek countless times without harm befalling him. _

_Loki took full stock of his attackers, from their sizes to their formations to their weaponry. He had two options at this point: fight of flee. In a fight, the odds were stacked horribly against him. He was a proficient warrior, definitely, and his knowledge of both Asgard and Jotunheim made him still more formidable, but there was no backup if something went awry. On the other hand, he could flee back to Jotunheim, which would bode ill for his reputation, but he was about a minute short of being ready to transport himself between realms. _

_And so, Loki did what he did best. Talk._

_"I wouldn't try anything, if I were you," he said idly, unconcerned, "It wouldn't end well for you."_

_"Oh really, the little ice maiden thinks that she can defend herself," laughed one of the Frost Giants. It was an ugly laugh, even when set among the harsher, grating tones of their species, and Loki felt part of an old fear start to stir. These were the monsters that he had been afraid of as a child, although only now did he realize that they were monsters by choice rather than blood._

_"You should know by now the rumors about me," Loki replied, still keeping himself composed, "If those do not frighten you, I can tell you that they should, as I am every bit as powerful as they make claim." His attackers didn't rise to the bait. Almost he was tempted to comment that, should any harm befall him, they would have both Asgard and Jotunheim ready to treat them to the most agonizing deaths they could imagine. But these seemed drunk on their own strength and arrogance rather than outright stupid, and the threat would likely fall unheeded while making him seem weaker._

_"You are members of the Red Claws," Loki commented, idly noting the scars that defined their allegiances, "Or were, rather. I thought we'd gotten them all."_

_"Not yet," agreed the leader, "And with you as our hostage, it won't be long until we are complete once more. Now, unless you would like us to scar up your pretty little face, I'd suggest coming quietly." Without warning, they all lunged at him. Luckily, Loki's instincts were fine-tuned and by sheer instinct he whirled out of their grips._

_He would have transported himself back to the Capitol at this point, forget his reputation, had he not had the strength to make the leap straight to Asgard already. He reached within himself for a moment, grasping hold of his magic and letting it trace the pathways of the universe._

_Too slow._

_A fraction of a second before he transported himself away, he felt a something sharp dig into his side. Not lethal, but enough to break his concentration, and send him hurling through the Nine Realms…_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_The desert was peaceful as the van drove up to a dark building, the light source split between stars, moon, and a dim street lamp. The car stalled a moment and a short woman got out, examining the darkened building with a pair of brown eyes. When she seemed satisfied, she took a step forward, digging in her pockets for the key, but before she'd taken more than three steps her back pocket began buzzing. She paused, putting the mobile phone to her ear._

_"Let me guess, you're already at the new lab."_

_The woman let out a laugh. "You caught me Erik. I couldn't help myself."_

_"You never change Jane Foster." The voice on the other end was tinted with an accent, faint but present. "And I hope you never do. Tell me, how is it?"_

_"Perfect," Jane replied excitedly, "It's not much, really, but it's more than we've had in a long, long time."_

_"We'll have to start from scratch," Erik reminded her, "If you're theories are true, the equipment we need doesn't even exist yet."_

_"Not 'if'," she reminded him, "They are true. The Einstein-Rosen Bridge is tangible, I just know it." _

_"All right, all right." She could almost hear Erik smiling into his phone. "Just…don't expect the answer to fall out of the sky."_

_"I'd hope it wouldn't," Jane said, "It might leave quite a dent."_

_Erik mm-hmmed into the receiver. "I'll be over shortly. Don't blow anything up before I get there." _

_Jane hung up and made her way towards the door, key in hand. However, when she reached out to insert it into the lock, she found the door ajar. Surprised, but not terribly alarmed, she wondered if the last person out had simply forgotten to close it entirely. There wasn't anything to steal, at least._

_She swung the door open and groped for the light. The minute that it went on, however, her phone and keys dropped from her hands as her eyes flew to where a figure was leaning against the wall, bleeding profusely from his side. Jane's mouth flew open, and for a moment her brain froze._

_And then, thankfully, it unfroze long enough to supply her with the image of the first aid kit she kept in the van, stowed under the seat. In a matter of minutes, she had rescued it from beneath the seat, and was beside the strange man, offering what assistance her undergraduate anatomy class has supplied her with. _

_He recoiled the moment her hands touched him, as though he had not noticed her before then. His eyes flew up to hers, pained green in a face paler than it should have been, black hair falling in disarray._

_"Who…" he managed to grit out, still not letting her anywhere near him. "Where…where in the Nine Realms am I?"_

_"Nine Realms…" Jane blinked, certain that the man was delusional. "This is Arizona. You know, the United States?" The man somehow managed to roll his eyes, despite whatever pain he was in._

_"Midgard. I must be on Midgard. Of all the places in the universe to land, I wound up in the most backwater godforsaken rock of them all…" He left off to grumbling as he pushed himself upright, practically glaring at Jane, despite her best efforts to help. He was probably drunk, she decided, or on drugs, since he was _clearly_ confused._

_She barely registered the door behind her swinging open to admit a third member, at least not until Erik spoke up in half-horrified tones, "Jane, who is that?"_

_"I don't know, he was here when I got here," she replied, not backing away despite the man continuing to glare at them both in silence, "He's hurt, but he…"_

_"I am more than capable of treating myself," the man retorted, "I do _not_ need any of you mortal monkeys prodding at me, thank you." _

_"There he goes again," Jane continued, as though he had not spoken, "I think he's delusional. He keeps talking about the Nine Realms and Midgard." _

_"That's Norse mythology," Erik told her, closing the distance between them in a couple steps, "I used to know a thing or two, back in the day."_

_"Oh good, at least one of you mortals is educated," gritted out the man, aggravating his injury in the attempt to avoid any touch, friendly or otherwise. "I'm Loki of Asgard, perhaps you've heard of me."_

_Erik gave the man an unreadable look before turning to Jane. "Are you sure he isn't on something?"_

_"No," Jane replied, "He won't let me anywhere near him."_

_"Because there is no _need_," spat out 'Loki'. He got to his feet, despite protestations from both her and Erik. He was still grimacing at the pain, but he looked more recovered after even a short period._

_For the first time, Jane got a good look at him—his awesome height made all the more overpowering by the intricate golden and green armor he wore. And for the first time, she truly began to wonder if the man had been telling the truth._

_And even as the thought crossed her mind, the outermost parts of the armor began to melt away, like they were nothing more than a fanciful illusion. The armor continued to evaporate until the man wore nothing more a pair of trousers and boots with a tunic, shredded at one side and the injury peaking from beneath. Before she had a chance to say a word, though, he had put his hand over the wound, and with a look of concentration, green fire welled up between his fingertips. Then he was removing his hand, revealing for a moment smooth, unbroken skin, and then even that disappeared from sight as the cloth repaired itself._

_"That's incredible," Jane breathed when he was finished, "How did you—"_

_She hadn't even finished the question before Loki of Asgard collapsed on the floor of her new lab._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_When Loki came to, it was to the sound of the man and the woman talking in low tones. He was comfortable, lying on something soft albeit hastily made, and for the moment was satisfied to feign sleep and gain as much information as he tried. It didn't take more than a few minutes to determine that the woman's name was Jane Foster, and that the man, Erik, was her mentor. They were a pair of Midgard's scholars, studying what they called the 'Einstein-Rosen Bridge', which sounded suspiciously like the Bifrost._

_Although he wasn't terribly pleased that he'd ended up here it was salvageable. That and the fact he could have ended up on Svartalheim, or somewhere else where the locale had no love of the Aesir. Judging by the way he'd haphazardly launched himself through the pathways, it was lucky he had ended up anywhere near sentient life at all._

_When he'd heard enough, he let out a groan and made a show of awakening, purposely drawing the attention of his two hosts. Jane was by his side in an instant, hovering, but not so much with worry as excitement._

_"You're awake," she said, a statement of fact meant simply to fill space. Loki had never been one for wasting words in such a way, but he chose instead to put on an abashed smile and play along._

_"Indeed I am," Loki replied. "Which is a relief. It is also a relief to awake without being prodded and poked like some fascinating specimen." This much was a question, although not stated as such, and the woman caught on quickly._

_"You collapsed after…healing yourself," Jane continued. "But it was more like you were just sleeping…plus, the hospitals probably aren't equipped to handle…whatever you are."_

_Hospital. It must be a Midgardian term for their healing wards, and he tucked that scrap of knowledge away._

_"You were correct. It was just a case of magical exhaustion, coming from my unexpected journey here, and then attempting to heal myself before my powers were properly restored." The wound had been poisoned, and already fairly progressed by the time he had attended to it, which was why it had cost him so much energy to repair the damage. But there was no need to explain that._

_"I'm glad you're all right then." An awkward silence followed, in which Loki let himself study the little mortal more fully. She was lovely, at least as far as mortals went, with brown hair and eyes that practically burned with unasked questions. He knew that yearning all too well, and despite himself felt a twinge of kinship for the little mortal._

_"You wish to ask me something?" he asked._

_"Yes," Jane replied, then flushing at the promptness of her words. "I mean, you're probably still tired…and hungry too. You've been asleep for four days now." Four days? Loki cursed, silently, to himself, but didn't let his smile slip. _

_"I shall make a deal with you, then," he said, "A little food in exchange for questions. Does that sound good?" The woman's smile grew wider, and Loki studiously ignored the way it seemed to light up her features. Within a quarter of an hour, he was handed a bowl of something a yellow color that he almost didn't trust, with little circles of unidentified meat cut into it. _

_"Mac and cheese and hotdogs," Jane explained, sitting next. "It's the best we've got right now. We were going to go shopping, but got a bit busy." Loki could see that. When he had arrived, the building had been so empty he'd thought it abandoned, but in the days of unconsciousness, they had moved furniture and scientific devices and boxes into all the spaces. He was lying on one of the couches, with Jane sitting at his feet. _

_He watched her spoon the 'mac and cheese and hotdogs' into her mouth with a raised eyebrow._

_"They're not real dogs," she amended quickly, catching the look._

_"Then what are they, pray tell?"_

_Jane paused. "I don't think anybody really knows."_

_There was a moment of silence, and then, "I don't think you've thought this through entirely." And then Jane was laughing, and he felt a warm glow of pleasure. He relaxed, ever so slightly, following her lead and spooning the stuff into his mouth, studiously avoiding the dog bits. It wasn't…unpleasant, but certainly not Midgard's finer cuisine._

_"So tell me, Jane Foster, what is it that you wish to ask me?"_

_It started out small, with a concrete disbelief in his magic and the search for an explanation that suited her frame better. And then suddenly, without much warning, they were branching across the universe, to Asgard and Jotunheim and the stars above. At first he had started small, but had pleasantly surprised to find her little mortal mind more than capable of following even some of the more advanced topics. _

_Erik left, and when he returned some hours later, with bags filled with food, they were still seated together, discussing the tiny threads that pulled the universe on its course. By that point, Loki was feeling well enough to travel, or at least call to Heimdall, but accepted the invitation to dine anyways._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Loki returned home on the Bifrost, if only to see the look on the mortals' faces when they saw the object of their passions and research at its greatest. _

_"You can come back, any time you like." Jane had said, just before his departure. He had been unable to help Jane much, with his limited knowledge of the Bifrost, and knew that he was without grounds to invite her to Asgard, at least not without his father's approval prior. _

_As though reading her mind, she flushed, quickly adding, "Not just for the bridge. Just…any time you want mac and cheese and hotdogs."_

_"Well then, Lady Jane, I will endeavor to do so," he had replied, placing a kiss on her hand before stepping back and calling to the sky, "Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!"_

_And then Midgard dissolved in a rush of color and sound, and he found himself standing in the chamber, Asgard's guardian watching him with stern eyes. Loki felt his neck prickle under the disapproving eyes. He knew, as a fact, that Heimdall did not much like him, but this was something different._

_"Good day, good Heimdall," he greeted, remembering to mind his manners if only in an attempt to not make the guardian more an enemy than he might already be, "What news have you?"_

_"Brother!" Thor interrupted any potential answer, rushing into the room from beyond the bridge in a flurry of silver and scarlet, sweeping Loki up into a huge hug, as though fearing to let him go again. "You have returned to us."_

_"Indeed," Loki agreed, "This has hardly been one of my longer absences though. So why the fanfare?"_

_"Heimdall reported that you had been attacked on Jotunheim," Thor replied, holding him still tighter. "Though you escaped, it took him long to scour the realms to find you. We feared for the worst." Loki felt a pang of guilt, imagining how mother had taken the news. At the same time, he felt a great deal of relief that his disappearance had not caused some diplomatic incident._

_"I am surprised you did not charge to Jotunheim, hammer in hand," Loki tested, fearing that his brother had indeed started a war in his absence. _

_Thor snorted, still not releasing him. "I very nearly did, but father forbade anything of the sort." There was a pause here. "Will you not take this as proof, then, that the Frost Giants are not truly as monstrous as they seem?"_

_"Thor…"_

_"Loki, they tried to murder you." There was something strained in his voice. "Even after all these years you have toiled away, you were still betrayed."_

_Loki blinked, almost in surprise as a thought hit him. "You were…worried?"_

_"Of course I was! I nearly lost you once," Thor said, "I do not think I could lose you again." His grip remained strong, and finally, with a sigh, Loki returned the embrace, twining his arms around his much bigger, older brother. _

_"I am well, Thor," Loki told him softly, "I merely…miscalculated, and wound up on Midgard." _

_"So Heimdall told us, when he finally did spy you," Thor agreed, "But it's been several days since, and you tarried. I was about to come and fetch you myself, for fear that you could not find your way home."_

_"There was no need for that," Loki protested, "I tarried out of choice. It has been long since I took a holiday, and while on Midgard, I found myself in good company. It was…refreshing, from the political minutia."_

_Thor let out a booming laugh, and finally released his grip, meeting Loki's eyes with a mischievous twinkle. "Found a mortal lover, have you brother?"_

_And Loki the cunning, master of faces and illusions, could not stop the flush that suddenly crept into his cheeks. Thor's eyes widened in surprised, and then his face crinkled into a golden grin as he let out another booming laugh._

_"Oh, my brother, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"The prince was banished."

Thor didn't know who had first spoken those words, but it didn't matter. They flew through the palace like a wildfire, and soon he was hearing them from everybody.

The prince was banished.

Except Thor had not been. He had had Mjolnir's powers taken from him, the mighty hammer placed in the courtyard until the day he was worthy once again to lift it. Thor had yet to try.

He could still remember how it felt, dealing the blow that had left his brother shattered and breathing in Jotunheim's snows. Could not forget the pain in this green (red) eyes as they slowly grew vacant…and pain not only of that moment, but of centuries past. Slights and injuries Thor had sent hurtling at his younger brother, without ever knowing.

At first he had been angry that he had not been told. That his parents and Loki had let it come to this. But then, when he thought back, there were so _many times_ Loki had told him, sometimes almost outright, and Thor hadn't shown the slightest inclination to change. What would have been the difference, had he known the truth?

But there would have been a difference, Thor _knew_. If he had understood, he would have changed, just as Loki had changed. But did Loki know that?

And Thor realized, for the first time, that this was something _he_ did not know.

That would change, though, the moment that Loki awoke. He would rush to his brother's bedside and beg forgiveness, and tell him how much he was loved. Tell him again and again until he _knew_.

And so, he waited on baited breath until the news reached him. But when news finally came, it was not the news he had hoped for.

The prince was banished.

And not Thor, whose foolish actions had led to all this madness, but Loki.

It was Loki who had let the Jotuns into the vault on the day of Thor's coronation. It was he who had tricked his brother into going to Jotunheim, and there led him into a trap. It had all been a ruse, from the very beginning, a younger brother jealous of the elder making a desperate bid for power. There were even rumors that he was _one_ of monsters.

But of course, everyone had known it all along.

Thor did not know where these rumors came from, only that they were vicious, poisonous lies.

Odin's punishment was too easy, they said. The matter should be brought before a tribunal, the traitor exposed for what he truly was and punished appropriately.

And for the first time, Thor realized that Loki's actions had never been about him. They had almost nothing to do with the golden prince of Asgard, so much as what Thor represented. And while Thor could be brought to love a monster and call him brother, Asgard felt no such love towards Loki, although he had one little to deserve such ire. And if Thor could not be convinced by his closest confidant and friend the Jotuns were not monsters, then the dream that Asgard would one day accept Loki despite his true nature was nothing more than fantasy. They would never live to see a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard.

Thor sought out Odin, who was alone except for Hunin and Mugin, who flanked him on both sides. They spoke in croaks that Thor had yet to understand (_but Loki could_), while Odin seemed ready to despair. He was fighting the Odinsleep, Thor knew, but would not let himself rest yet.

"Father," he said, making sure to mind his tone.

"Thor."

"Is it true?" he demanded, "That you have banished Loki?"

Odin watched in sad silence for a moment before nodding mournfully.

"But _why_?" Thor demanded, his temper boiling at the thought, "None of this was his fault! He tried to stop me, and as a result, I almost…" He swallowed, before regaining himself. "And you have banished him, leaving his reputation to vicious rumors! How can you claim to love him?"

"_Silence_." Odin's voice tore through the room, but Thor had finished, his questions spent as he glared up at the Allfather. "You think this was _my_ idea? That I have chosen to lose him?"

"What other option is there!?"

"It was your brother's choice, Thor." Suddenly, Frigga entered, holding with her the golden helmet that Thor recognized immediately as Loki's. His mother's eyes were rimmed with red. "He won and is claiming his prize."

"Then I shall leave with him," Thor replied in earnest, "I will see him safe and happy, until the day he chooses to return."

"No, my son, you will not," Odin said firmly. "You would be throwing away his gift to you."

"Gift?"

"In divorcing us, he has chosen to take all the blame for your actions on Jotunheim on himself."

Thor opened and closed his mouth, dumbfounded as his mind flew back to the careful years that Loki had spent in building his reputation, in trying to gain the same love and trust that was granted to Thor without trying. "But _why_?"

"It is a chance for you, my son, to start anew. To change. As recompense for all the years we have lied to you." Silence followed, and Thor felt his heart breaking with each beat against his chest.

"Will I ever see him again?" he asked at length.

"He awaits you now," replied Odin, "On the edge of the Bifrost."

Thor was gone in a swirl of scarlet before either of his parents had a chance to say speak further.


	5. The Promise

**AN: Okay dear readers! This chapter wraps up the story! Many thanks to everybody who has stuck around this long. You're wonderful!**

**A special thanks to Potkanka, Ynath Esrith, Mystic 777, BecStar94, anastacianott, and STIXandMANNY for your kind reviews. I read and appreciate all of them!**

**And now...on with the show!**

* * *

_If Thor thought that Loki wasn't angry, he must not know him very well. Loki was more than angry. He was furious, to the point that it consumed every breath and every thought. But unlike Thor's berserker rage, Loki's anger remained silent. Or at least until somebody had a knife in his throat._

_He did not know who had let the Frost Giants into Asgard, but it was doubtless his fault anyways. Heimdall had seen no one enter, and there was only one who knew how to traverse the secret paths of the universe well enough to slip past the watcher's gaze. It was one of Loki's most guarded secrets, if only for the safety of both his homes. But he had been working to help rejuvenate the magical heritage of Jotun culture, and in doing so may have slipped up. May have inadvertently taught the wrong person these secrets, and in doing put all the Nine Realms at risk._

_How many more knew of the secret paths? How many even had the power to slip between the worlds? And who, if anyone, had sent them? A rogue band? Some unknown force? Perhaps Laufey?_

_That thought caused him to still a moment, ice prickling at his heart. It didn't make sense for Laufey to make such a bold move, although Loki knew even now that his mind was always on the Casket. There were better ways to win it back, ways that would not send Jotunheim back into war so soon after they had begun to rebuild. But perhaps he had misjudged Laufey entirely._

_The imagined betrayal stabbed almost as deeply as the fear and guilt that he may have inadvertently caused. _

_He hastened into his chambers, sealing the doors behind him. The last thing he needed was to be intruded upon by some guard._

_However, the minute they were closed, he sensed another presence in the room and immediately cursed his foolishness. But before he could so much unseal the door, a familiar face peaked around the corner of the other room._

_"Helblindi!" Loki almost shouted in surprise, "What are…what are you doing here?"_

_Helblindi watched him, red eyes large as saucers for a moment. Loki realized, belatedly, that Helblindi had only once seen his Asgardian form, and even then that had been in the form of his illusions. His younger half-brother had frequently displayed an alarming fear of the Aesir, despite the way he was mocked mercilessly by the other Jotnar for it, so Loki had never desired to show him his "monstrous" second skin._

_"You really do look like…" Helblindi said, still not stepping forward. With a sigh, Loki let himself shift out of his primary state, the heat and Asgardian light suddenly becoming harsh in a body adapted to darkness and ice. Almost immediately, Helblindi relaxed and came out of his hiding._

_"It matters not," Loki replied quickly, "Now tell me how you came to be here, and how that led to the assault of the vault." There was silence, Helblindi's face filled with such incredible guilt that Loki felt a wave a panic rattle through him. "What have you _done_?"_

_"I only wanted to see the coronation!" Helblindi blurted out, "You've spoken of it often, and I wanted to see Asgard. I wanted to see _him_. Your other brother, Thor. The one that you chose…" his voice faltered a little, but he pride urged him to continue. "The one that you chose over me. Over us."_

_"So I followed you. You've taught me much, brother, and you've traveled the same path often enough for me to follow the trails you left behind. But I miscalculated, and somebody saw me and followed me." _

_"I swear, Loki, I did not know! I did not mean to bring a threat to Asgard! I didn't—" There seemed to be no words to describe the younger giant's anguish, and Loki did not doubt that he understood full well the damage that had been caused. The damage that might still happen, should things not be set to rights._

_"All is well, Helblindi," Loki sighed, reaching out and putting a comforting hand on his brother's forearm, "The traitors are dead, and Odin has declared no war until further information is found. We will make everything right, you and I, and I am merely relieved that they did not kill you in the process."_

_Helblindi stooped suddenly, gathering Loki into his arms. It wasn't a common thing, even as their relationship had grown, because Helblindi always feared harming his older half-brother, and would treat him like a fragile ice sculpture more often than not. But he needed it this time, and Loki returned the embrace._

_Only for a moment, though, as a flash of light from the windows beyond caught his eye._

_"What is that?" asked Helblindi._

_"The Bifrost," replied Loki, the ice returning with fervor. He studied the course for a moment and made a quick mental calculation. "Somebody is headed for Jotunheim."_

_It could be Odin, calling for some sort of Parlay. But that didn't make sense, because he wouldn't have acted without speaking to the ambassador first, and Loki had received no summons since Odin's discussion with Thor. _

_There was only one other person Heimdall would possibly open the Bifrost for on command._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_It was a difficult matter, transporting two people, especially since Helblindi was not so steady with this magic as he had claimed. Had there not been more pressing matters, Loki would have given him a cuff for being so stupid as to try without him there, while being secretly thankful that the young frost giant had not ended up completely lost in the void. But there was no time for that now._

_They arrived at his usual point of transport, too far from the city for his liking. _

_"We must hurry," Helblindi told him, knowing full well how the deep snows slowed their progress, "Come, I will carry you."_

_"I think not. I am your ambassador, and will not arrive at the party riding on my younger brother's shoulders," Loki replied, purposefully shifting out of his Jotun form, "No, I think I shall make my entrance more magical. And you…you shall take the long route, do you hear me? There may be a battle before this day is done, and it would cause a bigger mess if you were killed in the fray."_

_"But what if you?" asked Helblindi, using an endearing tone that Loki despised, because it only implied his fragility in the Jotun's eyes. _

_"I shall be fine. I am older than you by a good bit, and have seen far more battle." Loki checked himself to make sure that no trace of the blue remained. "Let me handle this. All will be well."_

_He vanished himself, his magical senses searching the now-familiar lands of Jotunheim for a life force that he knew as well as his own. Here in the ice and snow, Thor's aura practically radiated a golden light, and it was no hard manner bringing himself to his side._

_"Loki!" Thor's voice was shocked at his sudden appearance, but there was no time for formalities._

_"What in Borr's name do you _think_ you're _doing_?" he demanded, keeping his voice level. Thor did not even look ashamed. If anything, he looked affronted by his younger brother's tone._

_"He has come seeking war," replied Laufey, who watched over them from his throne. Loki took a moment to note that they were indeed in Laufey's throne room, and thoroughly surrounded by hostile faces. Many of them he recognized, but realized that they were mixed with suspicion and fear at his new skin. There really didn't seem any place that he could avoid that, it seemed._

_"Our apologies, King Laufey," Loki replied cordially, "I will see that this matter is handled by the _correct_ authorities." He really hoped Thor would catch on, but he could see from his eyes that there was really no chance. _

_"Know your place, brother," Thor snapped back, putting a hand on his shoulder and maneuvering him out of the way. The Jotnar watched this interaction with a mixed reaction, and Loki could almost feel his reputation crumbling away. "King Laufey, your people have breached our treaty. You have declared war on Asgard."_

_"So you plan to do what, Thor," Loki interrupted, just loud enough for Thor to hear. Normally, Thor would have brushed him aside again, but something of the seething fury that had not left Loki must have come through, and Thor halted for half a second. "Does one party constitute an entire people? Do you plan to murder all of them? Is that truly what we nearly crowned this day? The monster that even the monsters fear at night?" The words were not spoken in the same jesting tones that they had used only hours before. They were dark and dangerous and quite unlike any Loki that Thor had ever known._

_"Loki—"_

_"No, Thor," he snapped back, loud enough for the other Jotnar to hear. He was putting on a show now, if there was any chance that he could return to Jotunheim with an ounce of the authority he had born. "It is you who should learn your place. On Asgard, you are the Golden Prince, champion of the Aesir and beloved of all. But you are _not_ on Asgard. I am the Ambassador of Jotunheim, Champion of the Jotnar, and if not beloved then trusted by most in my stewardship. You are in my domain now, and for once it is _you_ who will stand in the shadows." _

_Thor, as well as the Warriors Three looked at Loki in absolute shock. Almost, Loki wanted to laugh. Had they really been so oblivious that they had never known?_

_Well, then would know soon enough, or at least Thor would. It was time to see just what his brother was made of, and just how far his claims of love extended. _

_But only once they were back in Asgard. Should he see him in his Jotun form now…_

_"We will take our leave, King Laufey," Loki addressed the monarch, "I will return shortly to see that the events of this day are properly addressed."_

_"Indeed," Laufey agreed, "For now, I will set my soldiers on investigation. We are as eager as you to know the truth of the matter."_

_Loki began shepherding the still shocked Aesir out of the throne room, practically counting his heartbeats until they were away. They weren't safe yet, wouldn't be until Heimdall called them back with the Bifrost, but so far things had run smoother than he could have hoped…_

_"Run along home, Princess." He didn't recognize the voice that had given the insult, nor whether it was addressed to him or Thor. All he could see was the vicious grin that split Thor's face and the dropping feeling in his stomach. _

_Loki cursed aloud, and within seconds the throne room had erupted into an all-out brawl. Loki lost track of Laufey in the fray, trying to keep track of Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three as they spilt blood and damaged the recently repaired throne room. And for the first time in a long while, Loki didn't know what to do._

_On one hand, Thor. On the other, Jotunheim. And whatever side he chose, his friends, and perhaps even his family would suffer._

_And just like that, Loki made his choice._

_Calling upon the powers of Jotunheim, the ones innate that could only be honed in the icy lands, he summoned all his magic to his aid. The world was caught suddenly in blinding whirlwind, followed quickly by a rumbling as the icy floors split in two, effectively splitting the Aesir from their Jotun opponents. It was only a temporary solution, but for the moment the fighting stalled as all eyes landed on Loki._

_"That is enough!" he commanded, knowing that he had neither the power nor authority of Laufey or the Allfather, but praying that for once, it would be enough. "Blood for an insult. We make monsters of ourselves this day." He turned his eyes to where Thor and his friends stood, looks of sheer horror frozen on their faces. Loki felt his skin, Jotun blue and covered in familiar raised markings, prickle under their gazes._

_"Well, brother?" he asked, smiling in spite of the fear that suddenly welled in his stomach._

_"Who are you?" Thor's voice was suspiciously low and level. _

_"Loki Odinson, Second Prince of Asgard and Ambassador to Jotunheim," he replied, stating his titles with a degree of pride, "But I am also Loki Laufeyson, the lost Prince of Jotunheim."_

_Which…perhaps hadn't been the best way to come out with it. There would be time for regrets later, though. For the moment, Loki only had an instant to avoid a serious blow from Mjollnir. And just like that, the battle began in earnest once again. _

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_In the end, Loki had won his bet._

_Thor didn't hesitate. Even though, in the moment his brother's hand clamped on his throat and he struggled to breathe through a chattered chest, he could see that Thor truly didn't understand what had happened. It didn't matter, because Thor had not hesitated._

_It was not exactly a comfort, as the darkness crept into his vision. He'd made quite a mess with this little game of his, and if they really boiled it down, things were as much his fault as Thor's. _

_But for once he wouldn't be the one to clean it up. With that thought and the corners of his lips lifting into a bloody grin, everything cut to black._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_The darkness was not unlike the void, and seemed to travel on forever. In all honesty, Loki felt as though he had been jipped, because he technically had been killed in glorious battle, and therefore should have qualified for Vahalla. Or whatever heaven or hell the Jotnar believed in. (He remembered asking Helblindi once, and had promptly gotten a religious lecture that sounded suspiciously akin to some of the religions of Midgard he had encountered in his later visits to the planet.) This wasn't either._

_Perhaps, he thought, it was in between. Which was almost a fitting place for somebody who had tried to walk the road he had. _

_'Loki?' And suddenly, there was a voice calling him. Suddenly he felt a painful tug, as though somebody were trying to yank him out of deep water. But the climb was too difficult, and he wasn't certain if he wanted to make it. _

_'I'm too tired, mother,' he called back, ignoring the tugs and taking a seat in the darkness._

_'You want to give up?' There was clear disapproval in her tones, and he could imagine her face. It made him smile, and almost long to return if only to see it one more time._

_'No,' he admitted, 'I just…why go back? I've lost everything. Asgard and Jotunheim."_

_'I see no reason to believe that.'_

_'Oh really? You did not see Thor's face when he saw what I truly was…and after our little tiff, Jotunheim will never trust me as they once did. It's over, I lost. I tried so very, very hard, and in the end it was all for nothing. I don't think…I don't think I have the strength to try again.'_

_'Then perhaps, it is our turn to lend you our strength instead.' _

_And suddenly, the darkness seemed to lift, and he could see Frigga standing before him, golden and beautiful. He did not even try to resist the impulse, running into her waiting arms, knowing all the while that his couldn't possibly be real._

_'This is…this is the end of my story,' he mumbled, as she held him closer, 'You cannot really be here.'_

_'You are such a silly boy,' Frigga said, and he could feel her smiling. 'Love does not work that way.'_

_'Love,' Loki scoffed, almost condescendingly, but with a hint of curiosity._

_'Yes, love.' The words were gentle, like a lesson he should have learned long ago. 'It ties us together, so that even at our darkest times we are never alone.' From behind her, he could see the forms of Odin and Thor, watching him expectantly._

_'But you…you hate me,' Loki said, addressing Thor. 'And father…I failed to be what you wished. I could not hold the peace between Asgard and Jotunheim.'_

_'No, Loki,' Thor replied, guilt written across his face, 'Never. I did not understand, and I cannot ask forgiveness for what I have done.' _

_'And that plan was dropped long ago, my son,' Odin added, 'I am so very proud of you.' _

_Loki wondered if these were nothing more than his mind playing through his deepest desires as he lay dying. He decided that whether or not this was the case, he would give himself this one little lie._

_'And there are others too, Loki,' Frigga spoke up once more. 'You think your actions have been for naught, but look around and see all the many lives you have touched and changed and saved.'_

_Frigga spoke true, as the figures began to appear, and Loki pulled away from her to see them fully. Many were the Jotnar he had worked side-by-side to repair their broken world, but Sif and the Warriors Three also stood in the number. And then, almost invisible amongst the gods, stood his mortal friends._

_'It's good to see you, Helblindi,' he said, addressing the young giant as he stepped forward and caught him in an embrace._

_'You called me,' his brother replied, 'In your dreams, across the worlds, and I came. Jotunheim mourns, brother. Please, return to us.'_

_'I don't know if I have the strength,' he replied, 'I'm tired, and it hurts.'_

_'We will bear you, then,' Helblindi replied, 'You will ride atop my shoulders yet!'_

_There was a smile on Loki's face, tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks. He cast a long look out at the many expectant faces of friends and family. _

_'Yes,' he said at length, 'Let's go home.'_

_And with their help, he opened their eyes to his chambers, where Frigga—the real Frigga—was waiting to sweep him up and welcome him back._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_"What do you mean that you'll take the fall?" Odin had to remember to check his voice. Loki still wasn't whole yet, and he didn't want his son to get worked up and strain himself. But this…this was just too much. For a second time he had nearly lost his son. He wouldn't allow for a third time. Except…_

_"I have won my bet," Loki told him sternly, as though explaining to a young child, "I understand that Thor was not thinking when he attacked. That he may even had my own best interests at heart, but it doesn't change the fact that he nearly killed me—and successfully killed many of my Jotnar friends—in this attempt. And Asgard…Asgard has not reacted any kinder."_

_Odin's shoulders slumped. "You have heard the rumors then."_

_"Of course. I started them." Odin's eyes widened in shock, but Loki cut him off before he could say anything. "Not intentionally. It was a single passing comment that I may be leaving indefinitely. The results are before you. In the end, I may have been able to change Thor, but Asgard…it's well beyond me."_

_Almost, Odin seemed to collapse into himself, all his worries and fears clear in the creases of his face. "I never…you do not have to do this Loki. I know, I cannot make you stay, but I…" He swallowed, and realized that unlike his golden son, words of the heart were difficult to express. Thor must have gotten that trait from his mother. "I love you, Loki. We all do. And we cannot bear even the thought of losing you."_

_Loki smiled then, a real smile that made Odin's heart ache even more. "I know, father."_

_"Would you stay…if I were to offer the throne to you instead?" The words seemed much deliberated, and Loki thought on them, trying to decide whether they were sincere or a ploy to manipulate. Eventually, he settled on the former. "You are not crown prince, nor my heir, but you have proven yourself to be wise. Wiser than I could ever hope to be."_

_"The people would not accept me," Loki replied, "Besides, I have no business ruling anybody. Being born a prince, whatever the planet, does not make one a king."_

_"They do not deserve you then," Odin said, "And neither do we."_

_"No," Loki said, "You have been…" He struggled suddenly for words, a rare enough occurrence for the silver tongue. "The best father I could ever have hoped for."_

_"I refuse to call it banishment," Odin declared, "I refuse to paint you as the villain in Thor's actions…"_

_"You don't have to. And I would ask that you not try to change them." Suddenly the glint returned to Loki's eyes, and his mouth quirked into a mischievous grin. "Thor may think I'm trying to do him a favor, but he should know by now not to fall for that trick."_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

With each thundering footstep, Thor wished desperately for Mjollnir's speed of flight. Fearing that he would not arrive on time.

However, there was no reason for worry, as Loki was waiting for him, legs dangling dangerously over the edge. Thor feared, suddenly, that he would throw himself over, but at his approach his brother merely got to his feet and greeted him.

"Thor."

"Loki."

An awkward silence stretched between the two, as Thor studied one of the first faces that he had ever know. There were premature lines there, as well as fear and worry lacing those green eyes. A swirl of emotions and colors caught him off guard, as he saw that face framed in blue, the red eyes slowly growing vacant as his brother bled out into the snows of Jotunheim. He felt ill, nearly doubling with nausea.

Suddenly, there was a delicate but firm hand on his shoulder, grounding him and bringing him back from the flashbacks and fear. Loki was right in front of him, alive.

And suddenly, Thor could not stop himself any longer, pulling his brother in tightly to him.

"Loki," he croaked out, "I am so very sorry. All those years, and I did not understand. I'm not…I'm not worthy. Of Mjollnir. Of Asgard. But most of all, _you_. I cannot ask for forgiveness, because I do not deserve—"

"Hush now, Thor," Loki told him, returning the embrace, "I know you love me. And that is enough."

"How? After I nearly murdered you."

"You called for me, did you not?" he asked, "On one of the nights while I lay dying, you saw me in your dreams and called me home."

"Yes, but…"

"You are an idiot, Thor Odinson. An oblivious fool that has done far more damage than good, but you have a good heart," Loki said, "It will take more than hammerfalls to erase the life we have shared. Love simply does not work that way."

"Then you will stay?" There was a desperate hope in his voice.

"No." The answer was stern, but irrefutable.

"Please, Loki! Do not let father banish you. There is no reason for you to suffer on my behalf."

There was a short laugh. "Who said it was banishment? You think that I am suffering Thor? Truly? That I chose this path purely out of selflessness?"

Thor pulled back and gave his brother a dazed look. "I do not understand, brother…"

"It is your mess, Thor," Loki told him, "And you're going to clean it up. Repairing the relationships with Jotunheim…perhaps clearing my name, if it strikes you. Whatever it is, it is your duty now. You must do the hard part, while I, for once in so many years, will do what I want. I am free, Thor."

"Then why can you not be free here?"

"Because there is no freedom for me in Asgard. They chain me with their normalcies and whims, and I fear that it will poison me, should I stay."

"But they will change, just as I will. Do you not believe me?"

"Yes and no," Loki replied, "I believe that you can change. I do not doubt that you love me, as you claim, and that seems to be the only thing that can facilitate change at all. But Asgard has no love for me, and therefore will never change."

"But they can learn it," Thor suggested, stubborn to the end.

"But who will teach them? Not I, for I've already proven that they will not listen to me."

"I will," Thor promised.

"Like I said," Loki told him with a mischievous grin, "I have given you the hard part."

"But I will," he insisted, "Father told me of your bet, and there is still time to prove you wrong. Right now, we are not worthy of you, but I swear that one day, I _will_ call you home." For a stretch there was silence as Loki searched Thor's face for something. Thor matched his intensity, memorizing the familiar form as best he could.

"I believe you."

"Where will you go, then, while you wait?" asked Thor, "Jotunheim?"

"Not immediately. I need time to heal still. But perhaps I will go there for a stretch, if I do not find…other preoccupations."

"Oh, Midgard then?" Thor gave him an infuriating grin. "Your lady is very lucky indeed, to have deserved you."

"I think it's the opposite way around," he muttered, but then continued before Thor could question him further. "And it's not just for Jane. There are others on Midgard…monsters like myself, you could say. Some of birth, others of choice, and still others of circumstance, and yet in their short lives they have changed themselves and their world. There is, I think, something to be learned from them after all."

"If you say so," Thor said, not sounding convinced. But then again, he thought, his misconceptions of Jotunheim had had some serious results. Perhaps Midgard should not be overlooked, especially if it interested Loki so much.

"I think I shall take my leave," Loki commented at length, stepping away from Thor to give him enough room to work his magic.

"Loki…I will miss you." The levity had dropped from Thor's manner. "I do not wish to see you gone, but more than that I wish to see you _happy_."

"You really are an idiot," Loki told him, reaching out to playfully flick him on the nose. "I already told you I wasn't banished. So there's nothing to stop me from…dropping in, once in a while. In secret of course."

Thor's eyes widened almost comically, and a smile as bright as the sun spread across his features. "Truly brother?"

Loki gave another laugh. "When have you _ever_ known me to lie, brother?"

And in a shimmer of green, he vanished.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

To say that Laufey was unhappy was an understatement. It had been almost two months since the Asgardian's ill-fortuned envoy to Jotunheim, and they still hadn't managed to pick up all the pieces. Helblindi had progressed rapidly in his magical skills, but they were nothing when matched with Loki. And without the vision of his lost eldest son, their progress had slowed almost to a crawl.

That aside, although he would never admit it, he missed the bright-eyed runt and had mourned what had seemed his impending death. And although relief had come when news of his survival arrived, it was soon replaced with impatient waiting for the boy's return. But the days had gone on and there had been no ambassador…no word from Asgard at all.

And when, finally, when the Bifrost had lit their sky and deposited foreigners on their icy lands once more, all had rejoiced at the thought that they would soon be rejoined by the Lost Treasure of Jotunheim. Only to find out that it was not the second prince come, but the first.

It took everything in Laufey's manner not to kill the arrogant young man on the spot, and the thunderer seemed to sense this, watching with increasing discomfort.

"What is it?" he demanded, barely more than a growl. "Here to add more lives to your count? We have work to do, Odinson, so say what you must and leave us to mourn our dead."

"I bring a message from my brother," the young man announced, giving obvious effort not to match Laufey's open hostility. This was considerably more self-control than he'd seen the young man give before, and he wondered what had brought that about.

"Go on."

"He is alive and well, but currently residing on Midgard until he has…healed completely."

So that was it, then. The boy had left Asgard, as he had claimed he would on the day he had disclosed to Laufey his private bet with Odin. There was a sick sense of satisfaction to know that the boy had been disproved after all, and that the Aesir were as barbaric as they believed.

"It seems hardly a message worthy of its messenger," Laufey remarked, noting that Thor did not seem finished.

"There is another message, from the Allfather," Thor confirmed, but here he hesitated.

"Say what you must," snapped Laufey, not in the mood to deal with Aesir fickleness, "And then leave us. We have much to prepare."

"Odin Allfather wishes to inform you that I, Thor Odinson, have been designated as Asgard's new Ambassador to Jotunheim."

At this point, there weren't many things that could shock Laufey speechless. And he had just had one thrown like a slap into his face. Angry murmurs came from surrounding giants, but Thor did not halt.

"My brother…" he said at length, fumbling through his words. Laufey silently wondered how Loki had survived living with an oaf like this for so many centuries. "He loved Jotunheim. With all his heart. I did not understand that…did not understand _why_ until it was too late." The man's blue eyes wandered over to where Helblindi stood, watching Thor with a mixture of hatred and fear.

"You are Helblindi, right?" Helblindi nodded stiffly. "I am Loki's brother too, though I do not deserve such a title. Does that not make us brothers as well?" He paused, the raw shock appearing in Helblindi's red eyes. "Lies have never suited me, so you may believe me when I say that I am…uncomfortable. And perhaps afraid. But, I think, if you and I work together, one day we may accomplish our goal."

"Our goal?" echoed Helblindi in confusion.

"Yes. One day, you and I will call Loki home. Together."


End file.
